What. Five hours?
Oh, my mistake. It was five and a half.
Let us rediscover a day-in-the-life of a woman going to the salon, shall we?
9:00AM
I show up to the salon with the following: coffee, mandarin oranges (2), LARA bar, laptop, phone, chapstick, water bottle, Kindle, sunglasses, several layers of clothes (because it's cold, then hot, then warm throughout the day!), and a positive attitude. Oh, and blonde hair.
Misha of Misha Endo Hair, is there to greet me in her typical done-up, all-black dress and tights that she seems to rock every time I see her. She mixes up the color, which looks horrifyingly orange.
Oh, at this point, a guy walks in to the salon to have another stylist cut his hair. It's 9:31AM.
Time to rid my hair of its blondness. Last photo as a bimbo! I kid, I kid.
Local time: 9:40AM - first guy walks out of the salon with his hair completely done.
Alright. Hair is getting colored... colored... colored. The process involves squeezing the right amount of product from different tubes, brushing the color on to each piece of hair, inhaling chemicals, reading my Kindle, liking some Instagram posts, listening to another guy come and go with a fully-done cut. And then another guy. And then another - not kidding.
Current time: 10:30AM
Now my hair is goopy and full of wonderful, smelly chemicals. SO sexy. Tubes and boxes of color are strewn about, I've eaten a few snacks and not sipped on any of the water that I actually remembered to bring. Coffee is running low.
Now I wait. And wait. The chems have to work their magic, you know? Perfect time for the following: a selfie, ew, another selfie because the last one was terrible, walk around, go pee, complain about my left butt-cheek being numb, check out my pores in the mirror, chat with the sixth guy that comes in to have his hair done (we think he knows my husband and dated my friend).
What damn time is it? Probably 11:15AM-ish?
The color gets washed out of my hair, I get a nice head massage, but no conditioner gets added to my hair. Because the next step of the hair process is now underway: The Brazilian Blowjobout.
In my opinion, this is the least fun but garners the best results. It's great because it makes hair smooth (gets rid of fly-aways), but doesn't cause it to lose body. Really un-fun because hair has to be perfectly clean (no conditioner, product of any kind left), which makes it really hard to brush out (i.e. painful as $^#%).
I continue to disregard my bottle of water and finish my coffee. I am now so jittery that I want to punch the mirror, take my clothes off and run through the streets, or at least stand up and do some toe-touches. I CAN'T SIT STILL ANYMORE!!!
Misha applies MORE chemicals to each strand of hair, blow-drys my hair, and then styles it with a straightening iron. As the steam from the straightening iron going over my hair blows toward my face, I think of all of the hair stylists that probably take decades off their lives just by inhaling this stuff. So that we can have beautiful hair. God bless them.
So, once my hair is perfectly styled... it's time to... WASH IT OUT. AGAIN.
At this point, the clock reads about 12:30PM. A few more men have come and gone (one guy even offered his stylist weed in exchange for his hair cut. What.), and one woman has had her hair highlighted while commenting on how long I have been there. Yeah, I know lady. I hope both of your butt cheeks fall off from lack of blood flow.
Brazilian blowjobout chemicals are washed out, and my hair is finally ready to be blown out and beautified. However, because Misha and I are probably slightly sick of each at this point (she is mostly over me squirming and complaining, I mostly am just jealous that she gets to be standing), I just ask if I can blow-dry my own hair "real quick", which I do, mostly, while throwing money at Misha for all of her hard work and then bolt as fast as I can toward the light of the great outdoors.
At 1:30PM.
The photo below is from the following day.
When I was ready to admit to myself and the world just how long it took.
Thank you, Misha, for putting up with me and always making my hair look amazing.
You're the best.
